A gracious and good woman wins honor for her husband, and violent men win riches but a woman who hates righteousness is a throne of dishonor for him. – Proverbs 11:16

The word gracious comes from the Hebrew word chen (khane) and means; pleasant, courteous, good-natured, tender, compassionate, kindness, and merciful.

On the flip side; unpleasant, ill-natured, haughty, cold, stiff, rude, curt, gruff, sullen, and mean.

I am sure every Christian wife has expressed at least one of the flip side actions towards her husband or others at one time or another. Unfortunately, we tend to have blinders on to our own behavior. I encourage you to do a self assessment. Seriously, take the time to pay attention to how YOU speak to and about your husband…We need to speak kind words to our husband and to others ABOUT our hubbie.

Keep a pleasant attitude in all circumstances. This is a tough one even if you have no husband to deal with! LOL!

Show mercy…even when it is seemingly “undeserved.” None of us really “deserve” mercy.

Manifest warmth, kindness, and tenderness in your actions, words, and thought life.

Think about these words…

Do we want to be…

Curt…or…tender?

Gruff…or…compassionate?

Mean cold, rude…or…kind, merciful and pleasant?

Honestly, what we should really ask ourselves is which of those groups of words would we want directed towards us?? THEN, maybe, we can gain some perspective. If we take God at His Word, and realize we will REAP what WE sow…maybe…just maybe, we would shut our traps once in awhile! LOL!

Finally, when we have a gracious heart and attitude, it brings honor to our husband…even if they do not deserve it in our minds. Most importantly, it will bring a smile to our Daddy’s face and blessings are sure to abound!

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, thank You for Your Word and for the role that You have given me as a wife. Help me to be gracious and win honor for my husband. Help me to speak to him and about him in a way that brings glory to You. I want nothing more than to please YOU as a wife. Help me to be the wife that YOU designed me to be! Thank you! I love You! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband
2. Praying for Your Husbands Day
3. A Stubborn Wife Creates an Angry Husband

Your assignment for part one of “An Honest Wife,” was to examine yourself. I hope everyone took the time to think about how honest they really are. Also, I hope you read Ephesians 4:22-25…it is a very important part of our study.

Now, onto part two…

A common reason that many of us lie is SELF protection. We like to make the excuse that we are saving someone else from hurt…but really we are being selfish and just want to protect ourselves from embarrassment…or making someone mad.

Let me share another fictional example, so we can have a clearer vision of what I am trying to explain.

Lynette

Lynette has a friend named Sandra. One afternoon Lynette and Sandra went shopping together. While they were trying on some outfits, Sandra asked Lynette how a particular dress looked on her.

Lynette thinks, “YUCK!”

Lynette says, “That looks really nice on you.”

Why did Lynette lie?

No, it was not to protect Sandra. Lynette was protecting herself. She didn’t want to be honest. She did not want to make herself look bad. She did not want to seem “un Christian.”

The Word says in Ephesians 4:15 - Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, that is Christ.

Why is it that we just can’t be honest?

I believe that we can be truthful, and do it in love.

Lynette ”thought” yuck. She does not have to “say” yuck to be honest. That is brutal honesty. Brutal honesty is not what God wants from His children. This Scripture clearly tells us to be lovingly honest. Lynette could have said, “Actually, I really do not think that dress flatters you at all. Why don’t you try on the red one you had earlier?” Now, that would have been an HONEST answer without being hurtful.

Then, if Sandra got offended it is her issue. We cannot lie to please people. Our concern needs to be with pleasing the Lord and obeying His Word.

We lie about big things, small things, for no reason at all, to protect ourselves, to get our own way, to get out of things, we lie to our friends, family, children, ourselves, and our husbands…We just lie…lie…lie…

So, is it ever OK to lie?

The answer to this question depends on who you want to listen to…

Jesus tells us in John 8:44 - You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

And in John 14:6 - Jesus said to him, I am the Way and the Truth and the Life…

When we lie, we are in agreement with the devil. Yep, that’s right we are partying with the father of lies himself.

When we tell the truth…in love, we are in agreement with Jesus, the Truth.

Now, reflect on this question…

Who do you want to be in agreement with?

Let’s pray,

Daddy God, thank You for Your Word of Truth. I ask that You remove all lies from my mouth. Fill my mouth only with Your Truth. Help me to only speak the truth in love. Help me to shut my mouth rather than lie. Help me to be honest in all situations…even the most uncomfortable ones. Forgive me for lies that I have told to my husband and to others. Forgive me, Lord. I am truly sorry for standing in agreement with the father of lies. I renounce him and his ways in Jesus Name! I now stand in full agreement with the Truth. I ask that you give me strength to shine in honesty for You as a wife and Mother. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Pray and ask God to reveal to you where you are weak and more likely to tell a lie. Confess. Repent. Turn from it and be a truth teller. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of believing it is ever OK to lie. Just tell the truth and you will be obedient to your Daddy God, rather than in agreement with the father of lies.

Read and study the following Scriptures this week.

• Proverbs 6:16-21 (look where a lying tongue comes between)
• Philippians 4:8
• Psalm 58:3
• And…if you did not do last week’s reading assignment, it’s never too late

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. An Honest Wife – part one
2. A Stubborn Wife Creates an Angry Husband
3. A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband

• Am I an honest woman?
• Do I always tell the truth?
• Is it ever OK to lie?

Most of us will probably answer yes to the first and last question. It is interesting to me that we consider ourselves honest people…yet we lie. Oh, yes, we do lie.

Let me give you a few examples of how we lie…

Note: These are not actual people…just examples

Michelle

Michelle is married to Bryan. Michelle and Bryan are on a tight budget. They are trying desperately to get out of debt. They have many arguments about finances. Most of them are about Michelle’s spending habits. Michelle loves to spend money. Especially when her and Bryan fight.

One evening they got into a rather heated argument about her spending. She went to bed quite angry and hurt. Bryan wasn’t very nice with his words. He spoke to her in anger.  The next morning, Michelle decided that she needed a new dress to make her feel better. She found a pretty pale yellow one on sale. She bought it. When she got home she hid it in the back of her closet…

A few weeks later, Michelle and Bryan had a business dinner to attend. She decided to wear the yellow dress. Bryan didn’t recognize the dress. He asked her where she got it. Michelle said that she didn’t remember. She’s had it for years. Then she puts it out of her mind and finishes getting ready…

Katherine

Katherine is married to Joe. Joe recently got a promotion at work, and is working long hours. He is burnt out at the end of the day. So, he asks Katherine to handle the finances until his schedule gets better.

Katherine is all excited and thinks this is a wonderful idea. She was never happy with the small allowance that Joe gave her each week. So, she decided to redo the budget to suit her materialistic needs.

She spent and charged and spent and charged some more. It got so bad that she was unable to make all her payments on time.

Unfortunately, she chose NOT to go to Joe with this. She continued to keep him in the dark. After all, she wasn’t actually “lying.” He never “asked” her about the money. She felt confident that keeping this from him was best for their marriage.

All seemed to be going well, until…the electricity was turned off. When Joe came home from work, she STILL did not take responsibility. She lied. She told him there was an outage. ACK! What a mess Katherine has gotten herself in!

Margie

Margie is married to Tom. Margie has a friend named Leann. Leann can be extremely irritating. Margie does not like spending time with her…but she knows it’s the good “Christian” thing to do. So, she accepts an invitation for a couple’s night out on Friday evening. Her and Tom almost never go out…

On Wednesday, Margie runs into Lisa. She hasn’t seen Lisa in ages…They spend a bit of time catching up, and then Lisa suggests that Margie and Tom come over for dinner on Friday night. Margie just loves Lisa. She would much rather spend her time with Lisa than Leann. She accepts.

Margie spends the rest of the afternoon trying to come up with a good “excuse” for canceling with Leann. Finally, she decides to tell her that Tom has to work late. She hangs up and Leann leaves her mind. Friday comes and she has a wonderful evening with Lisa. She never even feels guilty. She simply justifies her lies and moves on.

Most of us may be familiar with at least one…if not all of these scenarios…and many others I am certain. If not, we DO have other issues, like pride and denial, that cannot be covered in this lesson! LOL!

Unfortunately, the Church does not always stand for truth. We have become desensitized. We look just like the world in many respects. We forget that we are aliens. We forget that we are supposed to stand for Truth. We forget that when we lie, we are submitting to the father of lies, the devil.

Click Here for Part Two

Let’s pray,

Daddy God, show me where I have been dishonest with my husband, others, and myself. Help me to be the honest wife and woman that you desire me to be. Help me to recognize when I am being less than truthful. Help me to really examine my attitude towards lying this week. I want to please You, Lord. Show me where I am lacking in Truth. Show me where I am deceiving myself. Thank You. Thank you for Your Love. Thank You for Your Truth. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Is it ever OK to lie?

Your assignment for this lesson, is to examine yourself. Think about how truthful you are. Think about how often you lie. Even those ones considered “little white lies.” A lie is a lie. I want you to do a self-check up.

Also, read Ephesians 4:22-25…then, next week, we will answer that question.

After you have spent a day or so doing the above, go on and read part two of this study.

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. An Honest Wife – part two
2. A Stubborn Wife Creates an Angry Husband
3. A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband

What stood out for me here is that there are no conditions to this love. It does not say to Love “if.” It simply says to Love. We are supposed to love everyone. However, today, we are going to focus on loving our husband.

This is a VERY clear Scripture. If we are truly walking with the Lord in obedience we have no other option except to love our husbands…UNconditionally.

Notice how it does not say that this is an easy task. LOL! We all know that it is not.

This Scripture also goes against everything that this world stands for. This world operates in a very selfish manner. There is no room in marriage for love, forgiveness, and acceptance. In today’s world divorce is the norm. If your needs are being met, get a divorce…it just wasn’t meant to be. If your mate messes up, get a divorce…it was good while it lasted.

I KNOW that God NEVER intended for us to divorce. Do not misunderstand, I am sure there are times when you have no other option. I am certain though that MOST marriages that have ended in divorce are because one or both partners chose NOT to love UNconditionally. However, this lesson is not about that.

Listen to what Jesus tells the Pharisees in Matthew 19:4-8

He replied, Have you never read that He Who made them from the beginning made them male and female,

And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (separate).

They said to Him, Why then did Moses command us to give a certificate of divorce and thus to dismiss and repudiate a wife?

He said to them, Because of the hardness (stubbornness and perversity) of your hearts Moses permitted you to dismiss and repudiate and divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been so ordained.

The last part of this verse is the most interesting; Because of the hardness (stubbornness and perversity) of your hearts

Hmmm…

Do you think if we loved UNconditionally that we would be able to “harden our hearts?” No. Love is VERY powerful. We would be compelled to forgive and remain.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily,

It is not conceited, arrogant and inflated with pride; it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything without weakening.

Love never fails

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, I would like to thank You for my husband. Thank You for every trial, tear, laugh, good times and bad. Thank You for ALL that comes with being married. Lord, I ask that You help me to learn how to love the way You love. Help me to love and forgive UNcondtionally. Help me to see my husband the way you do. Help me to walk in Love so well that when people see me they do not really see me, they see YOU. I love You, Daddy and I want nothing more than to please You in all I do and say. Thank You for loving me and forgiving me UNconditionally. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework

Memorize: Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and he who loves his fellowmen is born of God and is coming progressively to know and understand God. He who does not love has not become acquainted with God does not and never did know Him, for God is love. - 1 John 4:7-8

Dig Deeper:

1. Look up James 1:2-4 and do an in depth study on it.
2. Look up Love, Loved, Loving in the Bible. Find the Scriptures that pertain to you and your situation. memorize as many as you can!
3. Make real efforts to let things go and be a wive who loves UNconditionally. When you fail, get down on your knees, repent, then get up and keep trying. This world needs…NEEDS to see marriage work. They need to SEE love walked out before them. It is the ONLY way we will ever reach them…when WE walk in LOVE and shine for Jesus!

Copyright © Lara Velez, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Don’t Rot the Man’s Bones!
2. A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband
3. A Stubborn Wife Creates an Angry Husband

A Stubborn Wife Creates an Angry Husband

By: Lara Velez

I am married to a man whom I sometimes refer to as “My Diva Man.” He is a person who likes things a certain way. He can be quite demanding at times. However, he is also a wonderful husband who works very hard so that I can be home with our two beautiful daughters every day.

Unfortunately, this stubborn wife sometimes forgets that and stomps her foot and refuses to give in to him and what he needs.

Let me share an example that happened recently…

We just started doing the South Beach Diet together. So, I need to make his lunch more often than I used to…now it’s every day.

The other day, I could not find a container large enough to hold what I made AND small enough to fit in his lunch box without having to be at an angle. Well, I didn’t think twice, I just put it on an angle.

The next day I did the same thing. This time, however, he looked in his lunch box and got annoyed. He told me that the dressing from the salad got all over the container lid last time. He asked me what he was supposed to do. I told him to scrape it off. BOOM! He got angry. He said I did not care about him and that he had to go work all night and so on. I got annoyed and basically told him he was a jerk. He went to work.

The next morning I got up to make him breakfast and some food for his second job. I made a tuna salad. What I did not do was drain the tuna as well as he would have liked it and again he noticed BEFORE he even left. He was angry and annoyed and again said that I did not care about him and that I just threw his lunch together with no thought.

I got VERY angry and told him he was self centered and unthankful for the fact that I woke up and was nice enough to make him something.

We went back and forth for a few and he left for work.

Now, of course, my Dear and Wonderful Daddy in Heaven convicted me that day while my husband was working. He made me realize that I was the one who was wrong. I needed to be a help to my husband NOT a stubborn wife. I needed to love and CARE about what I was doing for him, not just throw something together and have a “It’s better than nothing” attitude.

So, I apologized to my husband when he got home from work. And, he apologized for not expressing himself nicer.

My STUBBORNNESS and “whatever” attitude was a hindrance to my husband. It made him angry and upset. Thankfully I got past myself fairly quickly.

Unfortunately, many times, us wives remain stubborn for a LONG time and it causes our men to stumble .

The Word tells us VERY clearly to adapt ourselves to our husbands. Not always an easy task for this fallen woman! LOL!

Helpful and Cooperative Wife = Happy and Fulfilled Husband

Copyright © Lara Velez, All Rights Reserved

Source: Wives of Faith

Related Topics:

1. A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband
2. A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband
3. Praying for your Husband is Vital to your Marriage

Matthew 5:31-32 (NIV)

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

In the society that we live in marriage is entered into more like a contract then a covenant promise. A covenant promise is like the ones that God made to Abraham and David. The kind that are meant to be kept. Unfortunately, today, there is always a door of escape left ajar just in case “things don’t work out.” The sad truth is that the Church has an equal if not higher divorce rate than the world. There is no example being set as to what marriage was created to be or what the roles are for the man and the woman.

The phrases “fell out of love,” “our lives are heading in different directions,” “I just don’t love him/her anymore,” “My needs aren’t being met,” are some of the many excuses we hear whirling all around us on television, movies, and magazine covers.

First of all, love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. Love is a decision. Love is a deliberate action. I have been married 10 years and there have been MANY days…even weeks where I did not “feel” any love towards my husband. As a matter of fact, I have felt close to hate for him in the “feelings” realm. However, I made a covenant promise to him before God “til death do us part.”

Am I saying this is easy, or what comes naturally?

NO WAY! There was a time when my husband betrayed me with another woman, and I seriously considered getting out. I didn’t give into that “feeling” though. I chose to go with my spirit and forgive him and move forward in our marriage. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do within my marriage, and it was an up hill battle all the way, but we made it! And today, our marriage is better for it. Yes, I said better.

The covenant promise that we make before God should be enough to keep us in marriage. Children are another important reason to make every effort to maintain a healthy marriage at all costs. Divorce leaves VERY deep wounds in a child that follow them their entire lives and never completely heal. I know this from personal experience and observations. They need Mom and Dad to have it together. They need it more than we need to “have our needs met.”

I want to be clear…I believe that divorce should not be the norm. It should be a very distant and last resort. If there is no other way out of an abusive relationship, then obviously we must make that painful break. That is much different that calling it quits because someone else makes our hearts skip a beat. Or we don’t get enough affection. Or we allow our hearts to harbor unforgiveness. Those are foolish and selfish reasons for divorce. It is also the blueprint of a society without God.

I want you to remember something. God compares the Church and its relationship with Him as a marital relationship. It is the closest relationship two people can ever have. It is holy and sacred and should be protected and cherished. It was created by God to teach us love and forgiveness.

Let’s Pray,

Daddy God, I want to thank You for the gift of my husband. Thank You for all that he is, even when I do not see it. Help me to love and forgive Him the way You do. Help me to set an example before my children of what marriage should be. Help me to stay true and remain. Help me to die to my flesh and walk in the spirit. Help me to be the kind of wife that You created me to be. Help me to bring up children that take marriage seriously and hopefully bring a change in the morality of this country. Help me to plant that seed into my children’s lives. Thank You, Daddy. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

In His Love and Service,

Lara

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. The Sermon on the Mount – You will know them by their fruit
2. Sermon on the Mount – Series Devotional
3. The Sermon on the Mount – Consistency as a Mother

First, let us look deeper into some of the key words in this powerful Scripture.

Virtuous – Chayil (khah’ - yil) and means; a force, an army, strength, able, substance, worthy.

Crown – atar (aw-tar’) and means; encircle, crown, compass

Ashamed - buwsh (boosh) and means; to make disappointed, put to shame, confound, become dry, to contradict or refute, to bring ruin.

I think many times, as wives, we do not really take the time to truly understand the role we play in the lives of our husbands. God did not put the man at the head because He thought less of the woman. He loves us the same. However, He needed to create an atmosphere of order in the home. So, He Chose the man to lead and the woman to submit and follow.

However, with the role we have as wives, there is an incredible responsibility that in most cases is missed. It is often missed because as women we can not get past the word “submit,” and the annoyance that word brings!

Look at this Scripture though.

Hmmm…

We are a force in our husband’s life. Let me share the Scripture with you now that we have clarity on some of the words used in it…

A strong, able, and worthy woman is a crowning compass of joy to her husband, but she who makes him shamed, disappointed, and contradicts him is a rottenness to his bones.

WOW! We are a HUGE influence in our husband’s life. And, when we do not step into our roles as wives properly, we are a hindrance to our husbands. We are a bad influence. When we argue, fight, refuse to submit, boss, verbally bash privately or publicly, disrespect, and treat our husband in any way that is out of alignment with God’s Word, we are hurting them. We are ROTTING THEIR BONES!

Hey, I did not write the Word. God inspired men what to write. God made sure that we all know everything we need to live happy, peaceful, and joy-filled lives. His Word does not adapt itself with the times. His Word does not change to fit our needs or the culture. It just IS. We all have choices…we can obey and be blessed or we can disobey and bring ruin to ourselves and our husbands.

Benefits of obedience:

- blessings
- allows God to WORK in our husband’s life and heart
- helps our husband BE what God created him to be
- trains our children to be God obeyers NOT the cultures lackey

What does the fruit of Disobedience Bring?

- a ruined husband with rotten bones
- divorce
- hindrance or our husbands spiritual walk
- trains our children to life selfish worldly lives

To put it bluntly, we need to stop waiting for our husband’s to fulfill OUR needs and OBEY what God wants US to do as wives. NOT based on the performance of our husbands. We need to DO what God says to do BECAUSE God SAID it and HE knows best!

When we let go of what we want and do what God wants, then and ONLY then will we truly have all that God wants us to have. Then and ONLY then will God actually have the room and ability to WORK in our husbands hearts and help our marriages.

We cannot go on expecting God to change them and we are not even willing to do what God has said to do!

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, please forgive me for being a selfish wife. Please forgive me for unrealistic expectations, and expecting my husband to fulfill my needs. Help me to turn to You and allow You to be my source for everything. Please forgive me for being stubborn and expecting my husband to change before I will. Help me to love him. Help me to obey You and what You want regardless of my husband’s behavior. Help me to NOT be a rottenness to his bones. Help me to be a crowning joy to him that helps him to be all that You created him to be. Help me to love him unselfishly. Show me how I can honor, encourage, and delight my husband. Thank You for Your Word, Lord. Thank You for not changing with the times. Thank You for being the same yesterday, today, and forever. Help me to be consistent in all I do. Praise You Lord. You are worthy of my obedience, love, and worship. Thank You for loving me. In Jesus Mighty Life Giving Name. Amen!

Your Homework:

Study the following Scriptures:

* Proverbs 14:1
* Proverbs 15:1-4
* Proverbs 16:7
* Luke 6:41-42
* 1 Corinthians 13
* 1 John 4:7-21

Memorize: Be gentle and forbearing with one another, and if one has a grievance against another, readily pardon each other; even as the Lord has freely forgiven you, so must you also forgive. – Colossians 3:13

Application: If you really want a happy, healthy, GOD pleasing marriage, then you must begin to look inward and not at your husband. Take an inventory of your thought life, how you think and speak about your husband, repent, and begin to seek God about how YOU should change.

Copyright © Lara Velez

In His Love and Service,
Lara

Note: All Scripture is taken from the Amplified Bible, unless otherwise stated. Also, the Webster’s dictionary, Random House Thesaurus, Strong’s Concordance, and/or The Complete New Testament Word Study may have been used.

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Praying for Your Husbands Day
2. A Stubborn Wife Creates an Angry Husband
3. An Honest Wife – part two

However, after being married a while that sense of combustibility can easily be lost if the spiritual life of the marriage is not cultivated. But, a couple that intentionally, and actively engages in maintaining the spiritual life of the
marriage continues to be a strength one to another, and ignites new sparks that blazes through every area of marriage and family. I believe that through personal devotion, mutual support, joint devotions, spiritual dialogue, and spiritual activities, a Christian couple can maintain spiritual intimacy in their marriage.

First, each spouse must keep their fire burning. Each partner keeps their fire burning by maintaining a growing and intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus, through personal prayer and Bible study. When we first got married, my wife and I mistakenly thought we could depend on each other’s spiritual life for our personal growth. I thought to myself “my wife is such a great Christian, she will be able to help me solve my spiritual struggles”. The mistake we made was instead of pursuing the Lord for our personal growth, we began to depend on each other. Eventually instead of helping, we began to drain each other. What we learned is that we must maintain intimacy with the Lord in order to have true spiritual intimacy with each other.

Once our personal lives are burning with spiritual fire, then we can conduct that heat to our partners. If you have ever touched a hot pot, then you understand what a conductor is. Metal pots are good conductors because they transmit the heat coming from the stove.

The person whose spiritual life is hot and on fire can conduct that spiritual strength to their partner. To be spiritual heat conductors we must intercede for our mates in prayer, and support them with our encouragement. An effective intercessor believes God for the success of their partner. Exercising faith in prayer for your partner is crucial. Why? Well, we know more than anyone else the strengths and weaknesses of our partners. We see their faults, joys, and sadness. Thus, not only do we have the opportunity to intimately intercede in faith for them, but also our encouragement means a lot to them. Essentially, we must be our partner’s own spiritual cheerleader – fanning the flames.

In addition to the above, a Christian couple spreads the spiritual flames through joint spiritual habits. The most obvious of these is having scheduled devotions. In devotions couples pray and share biblical truths with each other in an open and transparent way. I recommend not only having a scheduled time of devotion, but also allowing that time to develop into a natural habit. In our experience, my wife and I, have found it best not to allow our scheduled time to become a rigid formality; instead, it serves as a training time for the natural flow of our spiritual connection. So that in times of difficulty praying and sharing together will be as simple as breathing.

A natural outflow of a joint spiritual life is spiritual dialogue. Although often neglected, spiritual dialogue is an important part of spreading the flames of spiritual intimacy. I define spiritual dialogue as qualitative and interactive
conversation concerning our application, thoughts, feelings, and conclusions on spiritual matters as it relates to our life and society. Put simply, it is enjoyably talking about how spiritual things affect our life and the world around us.

Spiritual dialogue is qualitative and interactive. It is more than surface talk, such as “Pastor preached a good sermon today”. It involves sharing our deep spiritual thoughts to each other, such as “this is how I’m going to apply the sermon to my daily life..”, or “the Lord showed me weakness in that area”.
Remember to interact, and allow each other ample time to share insights and thoughts.

Going to spiritual events together provides opportunities for spiritual dialogue. Sometimes we can make religious activities such a duty that we drain all the joy out of it. Couples, however, can enjoy spiritual activities together. The spiritual activities couples can share together goes beyond the regular Sunday services, and weekly conferences.

Volunteering to work side by side in a Christian ministry, and working together on Christian projects are good activities to share together. Along with that, today there are Christian movies and television programs that you can watch. Many Christian organizations today are making Christian videos more than ever. Perhaps you and your mate can buy a video, and watch it together, then discuss it afterwards. Simply enjoy your joint spiritual life; you are heirs together of God’s promise.

About the author: Omaudi Reid is the owner of HarvestersOnline, and author of CreatingUnbreakable Bonds: Marital Intimacy on Three Levels. He has a diploma in ministry from Harvest Army Bible Institute, and is currently pursuing a bachelor at Beulah Heights Bible College. He is an ordained minister of the gospel of Christ.

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Most of the Christian couples that I know do not pray together. I know one Christian brother who flat out refuses to pray together with his wife. He says he prays by himself, but he won’t pray together with his wife. Praying with his wife makes him feel too uncomfortable, so he won’t pray with her. I hate to say it, but his views are not uncommon. Very few Christian couples actually take the time to pray together. Pollster George Barna recently reported his findings from interviews with 3,142 randomly selected adults, 1,220 of whom were born-again Christians.

* Of those who are non-Christian, 23 percent have seen their marriage go through the devastation of a divorce.

* 27 percent of those who call themselves born-again Christians have been divorced. (That makes the divorce rate higher among Christians than non-Christians)

* And of those who label themselves “Fundamentalist Christians,” 30 percent have experienced a divorce.

FamilyLife® has surveyed of thousands of Christian couples and found that less than 8% pray together on regular basis. That is a shockingly low percentage. However, according to the Southern Baptist Convention of 2001, of Christian couples who actively pray together, the divorce rate is less than one percent. Less than one percent! This begs the question: How often do you pray with your spouse? Don’t include the mealtime blessing, that doesn’t count. The response to the question is enlightening because most couples very rarely pray together, with the exception of the mealtime blessing. So why don’t we pray with our spouses? I think it’s because we just don’t realize the importance of prayer to our marital relationship. Most people acknowledge that prayer is very important to them but they simply fail to do it on any regular basis. The fact of the matter is that if we don’t pray very much, then prayer is really not very important to us.

Which do you believe?

1. Prayer important to your relationship with your spouse.
2. Prayer is just a formality at mealtimes.

Do you believe that prayer has any real effect on the depth of companionship within your marriage? In reality, whatever you actually do at present in your home is the clearest revelation of what you truly believe regarding prayer. You may say that prayer is important to your relationship with your spouse, but if you’re not doing it, then it’s not important to you. When I talk about praying with your spouse, I’m talking about the two of you sitting down together, holding hands, and seriously praying. You need to pray together daily if possible, in a place and time when you won’t have distractions. You may be wondering just why prayer is so important to couples.

Prayer unites you spiritually before God.

“Truly I say to you, whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is heaven. “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst.” Matthew 18:18-20 NASB

I haven’t met a married couple yet that didn’t have problems of some type. Some couples have money problems, or in-law problems, or problems with each other, a problem with their children, the list goes on and on. If we as married couples we are having this many problems, why aren’t we praying together about them? Matthew 18:19 shows how much power a praying couple can have: that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is heaven.

How much do you think you and your spouse could accomplish if you prayed together daily? What would happen to the amount of problems you face as a married couple if you prayed together about them daily? What kind of adults will your children grow into if the two of you prayed together for them daily? Can you see why it is so important for a couple to pray together?

When you and your spouse hold hands and pray together, you are coming before God as a couple. It’s not just you praying, it’s not just your spouse praying, but the two of you praying together. You’re united spiritually before God as a team. You are now operating on the level that God intended for couples to operate on. You are unified, joined together as one, partners together before God. Your prayer as a couple is sweet perfume to God.

“I do not ask in behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be in Us; that the world may believe that Thou didst send Me. “And the glory which Thou hast given Me I have given to them; that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them, and Thou in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, that the world may know that Thou didst send Me, and didst love them, even as Thou didst love Me. “Father, I desire that they also, whom Thou hast given Me, be with Me where I am, in order that they may behold My glory, which Thou hast given Me; for Thou didst love Me before the foundation of the world. “O righteous Father, although the world has not known Thee, yet I have known Thee; and these have known that Thou didst send Me; and I have made Thy name known to them, and will make it known; that the love wherewith Thou didst love Me may be in them, and I in them.” John 17:20-26

Jesus prayed for unity among his followers. What kind of example does this give to praying couples? The answer is unity. There is strength in unity, and prayer is the glue that strongly bonds a praying couple together. When you pray together as a couple, it is the perfect time to pray for each others needs. I know that my wife loves me, but when I hear her pray for me, it reinforces that knowledge, and vice versa.

When Vickie (my wife) hears me pray as we pray together, it lets her know what aspects of my life concern me and it shows her how to pray for me. I also listen to what Vickie is praying about and I know better how to pray for her. We also get to pray together about issues that concern both of us. We draw strength from praying together. It’s also enjoyable to watch how God answers our joint prayers.

Prayer encourages humility and honesty.

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee, and the other a tax-gatherer. The Pharisee stood and was praying thus to himself, ‘God, I thank Thee that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax-gatherer. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all I get.’
But the tax-gatherer, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ “I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted.” Luke18:10-14. NASB

Experiencing unity of heart with your mate is not automatic. It requires a special attitude by both partners. You have to be humble and honest not only with God but also with each other. Jesus taught that an honest and humble heart was an absolute essential for effective prayer when He told the story of the two men who came to the temple to pray. One man was very self-righteous and ended up praying with only himself because God would not hear him. The other man humbled himself and cried out, “God be merciful to me a sinner!” Only the second man was received and justified before God, simply because he honestly and humbly confessed his need.

One of the problems that couples have is pride and the refusal to acknowledge any weakness or need to one another. Most of the time we don’t even realize how foolish or destructive this can be. However, praying together is a great way to solve this problem. It is important for you to remember that your spouse knows you and the problems you face better than anyone else in the world. For you to refuse to pray or to whitewash your problems in prayer only keeps you further from one another and the depth of relationship you long for. Therefore, when you pray together, you need to be honest and humble yourself before God. Allow your spouse to hear you confess your needs openly and let your spouse pray for those needs. You can’t help but be drawn closer to God and closer to each other as a result.

Prayer develops and deepens your communication.

Good communication is a fundamental key to real companionship and prayer is the hand that turns the key to open this door. If you pray individually and not together as a couple, you tend say things to the Lord that you would never say to each other in casual conversation. But, when you learn to pray together as a couple, your spouse will hear you say those intimate things that previously only God heard (provided you’re willing to be humble and honest). For example, when a woman hears her husband praying earnestly about his situation at work, she may realize, Wow, I had no idea this was such a difficult issue for him. The wife now knows how to better pray for her husband.

After you pray together, it is often a good idea to talk about some the things the two of you were praying about. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about each other. As you learn how to pray with each other, you will also learn how to communicate with each other. You will find that sharing things with God and with each other deepens the level of trust and love that you already have with each other. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by praying together.

Demonstrate your commitment to God by showing Him that you will pray together with your spouse. When you demonstrate your commitment in prayer to obey and follow Christ, you are communicating to your spouse that he/she can trust that you will be committed to fulfilling all your responsibilities in your marriage too. What a sweet fruit of trust and intimacy this will bear.

Your marriage will be built up because you will be built up.

You will never be the loser by giving yourself to pray with your spouse. Scripture makes it clear that when a believer prays he or she will be built up as a result. Jude declared: “Building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit” (Jude 1:20). As you pray and spend time petitioning and communing with the Father, He will build you up. What do you think happens when you pray as a couple? You are built up as a couple. Could your relationship as husband and wife use a little building up? Then pray together. Even you already have the model marriage, pray together, and make it even better.

If you are one the 92% of Christian couples who do not pray together, you may be wondering how to start praying together. I firmly believe that the husbands should take the lead in this matter. As the spiritual head of the family, it is your responsibility, husbands, to lead. So stop shirking your responsibilities and make the decision to pray together as a couple. Now that you’ve made the commitment to pray with each other, verbalize that commitment. Tell each other (out loud) that praying together is something that you’re going to do and that you’ll start today. Once you’ve made that verbal commitment to each other that you will pray as a couple, you have made the first step.

If you’ve never prayed together as a couple before, you need to learn how to pray together. At first it may seem awkward and uncomfortable, but it will pass. When Vickie and I first started praying together we were both extremely nervous and uncomfortable but we managed to get past this stage so I know you can too. Now that it’s become part of our married life we both miss it greatly when I’m away and we’re unable to pray together daily.

Tips on how to start praying together

Find a mutually agreeable time. This is the best place to begin your conversation with your spouse. Depending on your work schedule, whether or not you have children, and if you are a morning person like I am, or a night owl like my wife, you must determine the best time to pray together. Try to determine the most undistracted time of day possible that works for both you. Caution: if you don’t make time for prayer, you’ll never find time for prayer. After all, you set aside specific time for grooming or eating everyday, so too you will need to set aside time for prayer with your spouse. I would suggest, if you are an early riser, an early morning rendezvous before the kids get up. Or, if you are a night person, pray with each other just before bed.

Keep the prayer time short. One of the mistakes that you can make when beginning a prayer time together is that of trying to immediately pray for an extended period of time. Do not try to impress your spouse with your ability to pray. If your spouse is not accustomed to the practice of prayer, he or she can become turned off to praying with you if you insist on a marathon experience. Don’t try to be so spiritual that you end up quenching your partner’s desire to pray. If you want to successfully change your habits, begin with a short time together at first, possibly just a few minutes. This will keep your partner from becoming discouraged, impatient, or intimidated. Let the Lord slowly and naturally lengthen your prayer time together as a result of the Spirit drawing you forward, not by some external rule you have set up. I personally believe the husband should start the prayer and then taking turns back and forth until one partner doesn’t pray anymore. You’ll know when you’re finished. Then the husband should conclude the prayer. Never forget, God wants to bless this time with your mate, and he will!

Keep your turn to pray short. Keeping your prayers short will accomplish several goals. First, it will naturally keep your prayer time short, as I just discussed. But, it will also keep you more focused on what you are praying about. Think for a moment about the last time you heard someone go on and on with some lengthy marathon prayer. Wasn’t it difficult to stay focused on what the person was praying?

Therefore, get to the point and pray what you need or want to pray and then be silent. This gives your spouse the opportunity to add any postscript to your prayer that will bring further agreement together. Remember, if you pray everything there is to pray on any given subject, then why do you need your spouse to pray with you? Remember that this is a team effort.

To solve this problem you must deal with your selfishness and the desire to control the prayer time. Remember, we are to give “preference to one another,” not dominate or control others (Rom. 12:10). This attitude will keep you sensitive to your mate’s needs and encourage effective prayer.

Keep your prayer personal. One thing that greatly encourages effective prayer together is acknowledgment of your personal needs in the presence of your mate before God. Praying for your own personal needs also lets your spouse know how to pray for you during his/her individual personal prayer time. Whatever you don’t pray about in your life you leave up to chance. Do you really want to do that?

Remember the difference between the prayer of the Pharisee and the publican in Luke 18:10-14. The publican humbled himself and confessed his need and the Pharisee did not. Don’t be like the Pharisee or you may end up praying by yourself. Intimacy in prayer encourages your spouse to be intimate and honest too. Don’t wait for your spouse to start before you open up. You can start by asking for the most important things in your life. Then watch what happens to your mate as he or she prays. You will sense an immediate change.

Pray for your marriage. To encourage more honest and open prayer with your mate, take the next step of praying for your marriage. However, you must be careful here so as not to offend. Don’t pray for a specific problem your mate has or where he or she has offended you. This can be perceived by your spouse as very condemning and arrogant. The best way to handle praying for your marriage is to first thank Him for your spouse and request God’s help in the areas where you are personally failing. This is the “remove the plank from your own eye” principle that Jesus taught in Matthew 7:5. When you begin asking God for a greater love or a willingness and sensitivity to be a servant to the needs of your spouse, he or she will sense your humility. In the long run, this will draw the two of you closer.

In addition, ask God to bring healing and growth to your relationship. Regularly thank Him for the mate He has given you, and the gift of your marriage. By doing so, you are recognizing the value you place on your mate and your marriage as you offer your praise to God. This is how prayer can build your marriage in a way nothing else can. Are you willing to commit yourself to God and your spouse? Are you willing to pray together as a couple? If you are, prove it. I challenge you to pray together daily as a couple.

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1. Prayer is the KEY to Conflict Resolution

You might ask, “What’s the point, what difference does it make?” It actually makes a lot of difference. Christians daily face a spiritual battle, and the choice is yours whether or not to protect yourself and your husband in prayer.

When you pray for your husband, pray specifically. If the Lord brings a specific issue to your mind during the day, stop and pray about it. Be open to the Spirit’s guidance.

Many of the workplaces our husbands go off to every day are less than desirable when it comes to the things they have to see and hear throughout the day.

Here are some things I have prayed specifically for my husband:

• his safety, his heart (that he will work with a willing and glad heart), and his mind (that he will be protected from unwanted thoughts and influences).
• If your husband is a manager, pray that he will be an effective leader and a good role model for his employees.
• If your husband has just started a new job pray that he adapts quickly and eases into his new routine.
• If your husband is unhappy in his job and finding a new job seems the only option, pray that a better opportunity arises.

You might be saying, “What about me? I work too.” Hopefully your husband will pray for you too. The Lord has put our husbands in our care, and one of our primary responsibilities as wives is praying for his success both as a husband and a father. Many wives have told me their husbands can tell if they are praying for them by the quality of their work days. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to show your husband how much you love him and want to support him.

Copyright 2002.

About the Author: Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom. For complete resources for the Christian home, visit her web site at http://www.Christian-Parent.com. To subscribe to her monthly newsletter send a blank e-mail message to Christian-Parent-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

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