I have really gotten a lot out of this series. This will be our last lesson on this subject…at least for now!

Sex is very important to the health and happiness of your marriage.

God knows this. That is why He put the subject all through the Scriptures. In order to become a wife that pleases the Lord, we must understand His purpose for sex and obey His Word on the subject.

Sex is very important to the bonding in a marriage. It is the deepest kind of intimacy. It is a very special part of marriage. It is God’s gift to marriage. Married couples that are not having it on a regular basis, or using it in ungodly ways are literally killing their marriages.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 says; The husband should give to his wife her conjugal (sex) rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband has his rights; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife has her rights. Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other of your due marital rights, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterward resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you to sin through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.

These Scriptures clearly express the importance of sex within marriage. We are never to refuse to give it to our spouses.

I would like to touch on a subject that I believe is very common in marriages…Christian or not. There are many wives who sex as a tool. They use it to get what they want from their husbands. They will seduce their husbands into giving them their way. This is called manipulation.

Some use it as a weapon. They use it to punish their husbands for something they did or said wrong. If their husbands make them angry they “pay them back” by not giving them their conjugal rights. This is called selfish and VERY WRONG!

These Scriptures plainly tell us that we are never to refuse our partner sex (with the exception of mutual prayer for a season). When we use sex in either of the above examples, we are in disobedience. It’s that simple.

Also, please do not discount the last part of these Scriptures in 1 Corinthians; lest Satan tempt you to sin through your lack of restraint of sexual desire. If you willfully keep sex from your husband on a regular basis, you are opening the door to some major temptation in his life. You can not expect him to not sin when you yourself are sinning by refusing him his rights as your husband.

We need to be very careful what we sow into our marriages.

Do not be deceived and deluded and misled; God will not allow Himself to be mocked by His precepts being set aside. He inevitably deludes himself who attempts to delude God. For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap. ~ Galatians 6:7

Sure, we can say, “He should love me no matter what.” “Sex is not the most important thing.” These are VERY foolish beliefs, dear sisters. He is a human being. He is filled with the same sin and temptations as you. And, if you…we…their HELPMEETS refuse to help them. If we push them towards sin…hmmm…I fear we WILL be held accountable…

Whoever leads the upright astray into an evil way, he will himself fall into his own pit, but the blameless will have a goodly inheritance. ~ Proverbs 28:10

And, read Matthew 18:6-7 for what Jesus had to say about leading others into sin. It is not a pretty picture…

It is also OUR calling to honor and be a helpmeet to our husbands. And, like it or not, sex is a blessing and help to them. It can be the same for wives…IF…we put it into proper perspective.

Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. ~ Genesis 2:18

We will go further into helpmeet next week. However, I ENCOURAGE you to get prepared, and study this Scripture intently.

Love does no wrong to one’s neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the fulfilling of the Law. ~ Romans 13:10

In closing, if you are one of those wives who uses sex wrongly in your marriage…Please don’t harden your heart to this message. It is not meant to pick on you or hurt you. It is meant to help you see the Truth, and help you to have a better more fulfilling marriage. A marriage that brings glory to your Daddy!

OR…

If you have a husband that likes to have sex a lot…and you do not…learn how to enjoy it. You may actually learn to love it if you’d lighten up about it. Don’t make him feel like you don’t want him. That is very damaging to a man. They need to feel like they are wanted by you and satisfying to you. Plus, you will both be happier when sex becomes an expression of your deep love and commitment for each other, and not a tool or weapon.

Trust me, I have my own battles. While I do not use sex as a tool in my marriage…I DO struggle with the “do not refuse.” It is very hard for Moms to get into that mode…especially when the kids are awake! However, our kids are not our first priority…at least they should not be. Our priority is God FIRST, Our husbands right after God, and THEN the kids. If we operate this way we are TRAINING them up to love God and HIS commandments FIRST.

If you are a wife who has a husband who withholds your conjugal rights. You need to pray, tell him how you feel, and leave it with God. In extreme cases you may need pastoral or Christian counseling. However, I do NOT recommend that YOU be the one to correct him. Most men are not usually quick to take instruction from their wives.

Let’s pray,

Daddy God, thank You for the precious gift of intimacy that You created for marriage. Thank You for my husband. Please help me to use sex to express love towards my husband and not to manipulate or control him. I realize how powerful it is. Forgive me for times I have had wrong motives. Forgive me for the times I have refused him for no good reason….or even too many “good reasons.” Forgive me for not making sex a priority in my marriage. Help me to put my husband first, after my relationship with You. Thank You for Your Word. Thank You for Your help. Thank You for loving me and hearing my heart. Thank You. Praise YOU! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Pray about all we learned in this study. Bring any issues you have to the Lord. He will make things clear to us when we ask Him.

Read and study the following Scriptures

• Psalm 34:8
• Proverbs 8:32
• Romans 13:10
• Galatians 5:14
• Ephesians 4:2
• Ephesians 5:2
• 1 John 4:7-21
• Jude 21

Also, have sex with your husband when HE wants to at LEAST once this week. Aim for 3x a week! Try to get your mind renewed to what sex is and the role it play in your marriage. Study all three of our devotionals on the subject and dig deeper.

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. The Woopie Factor, Lesson B
2. The Woopie Factor, Lesson A
3. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B

Last time, we learned that God created sex before sin ever came into the picture. This week we are going to talk about how important sex is in a marriage.

Sex is one of the most important ingredients for a happy and healthy marriage. A marriage does not even become legal until you have it. God designed marriage to be a covenant relationship. The strongest covenant to God always involves blood. Blood was shed with the sacrifices of animals and blood was shed by our precious Savior, Jesus Christ. Marriage, when it begins by God’s design is also with the shedding of blood. A woman should remain a virgin until marriage. When she gives herself to her husband for the first time, her hymen was broken….the blood covenant. “The two shall become one flesh…” (Genesis 2:24)

Unfortunately, many people, including Christian’s did not begin marriage the way God intended. I am one of these people. I did not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ at that time in my life. I also lost my virginity to rape. Then when I met my husband, we had sex before marriage. That does not matter. The concept and purpose of marriage does not change just because we have failed. Marriage is still a blood covenant. God’s grace is sufficient. When we repent, our sins are covered by the precious Blood of Jesus. So, we are still bound to the marriage as if we came into it the “perfect” way.

In the world we live in marriage is more of a contract than a covenant. Contracts are broken every day. A blood covenant is never to be broken. Marriage is taken very lightly these days. Unfortunately, divorce is just as common to the world as it is the Church…but that’s another discussion…You may want to read more on that later, Covenant or Contract.

Moving on…marriage begins with sex. We must have sex to procreate. Sex is also a vital component for the “relationship” part of marriage.

Sex is very intimate. You are literally becoming one with your husband. There is great pleasure in it. It should be fun. Sex is very important to both the husband and the wife for different reasons.

For the Husband:

For most men, it is extremely important, if not THE MOST important thing in the marriage. It defines them. They become grumpy without it. They feel like great warriors when they’ve conquered you. It releases tension in their bodies. It is THEIR way of telling you and showing you how much they love you, dealing with stress and it is a release for them.

Most men could care less about the imperfections of their spouse’s bodies. They just want sex. Anywhere any time. They are ready willing and able…in most cases. There are men that use it as a tool or have other issues…but for the most part, it is numero uno to your man.

For Us, Wives:

Most of us can live without it. For us it is number 3 or 4 on the list of importance. It is what comes before and after that matters to us. We need the closeness aspect more than the actual act. We need NON sexual touching.We need to just cuddle. We need good providers. We need affection. Conversation. We need them to be good Fathers. We need them to be in relationship with the Lord

Those are the important matters to us. Again, there are exceptions…but for the most part this is the norm.

A woman feels wanted and sexy when her husband pursues her. He fulfills her need of acceptance. Especially as Mothers. Our bodies cannot compete with the unrealistic covers of magazines. When our husbands desire us…it feels good. It helps us to move beyond the “what we look like” mind set.

The point is this:

You husband needs sex from you. Your marriage needs you to have sex with your husband.

Your needs may not always be met in the sex department. They may NEVER be met in or out of the bedroom, really. It does not matter. God is not impressed with our whining and complaining and will you please fix him prayers. Love your husband…Love him. Love him. Love him!

Have sex with your husband on a regular basis. Aim for at least 2-4 times a week. Have fun. Tell him he is sexy. Be sexy for him. Enjoy sex. Pursue it. God created it. God wants you to have it…with your husband.

He also wants you to keep it holy. It is never to include movies, magazines, or other ungodly influences. You don’t need all that junk to enjoy it. And if you do…you need to speak with your pastor or a Christian counselor. The world’s idea of marriage ans sex are MUCH different and perverted compared to the beauty that God created it to be! We need to be VERY careful what influence we allow the world to have on our marriage and the sexual aspect of it.

Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And, thus let the marriage be be undefiled… Hebrews 13:4

For further Study:

• 1 Peter 1:15
• Romans 6:13-19
• Hebrews 12:2
• Isaiah 47:10-11

If you or your hubby are not having fun in the bedroom, you need to read Song of Solomon together. It is a love story filled with sensuality and desire. It will definitely spice up your marriage…in a godly way.

If you, as a women are having issues with “wanting” your husband…BRING IT TO DADDY! Yes, He even cares about that! Talk to Him! He is only a whisper away! And, get the Truth of the Word in you so you can be equipped to obey God’s Word in regards to sex. ( 1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

Let’s Pray,

Daddy God, thank You for my husband. Thank You, that you want me to enjoy my husband in an intimate way. Help me to show my husband how much I love him. When I lack desire, Lord, please help me to get it back. Place a seed of desire in my soul for my husband and help me to cultivate it. I want my marriage to be all that you created it to be. Help me to show my husband that I desire him. Help me to love my husband. Thank You. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

If you did not finish reading the Song of Solomon, finish it…better yet, read it to your husband!

Also, take the time this week to pursue your husband sexually….and on a regular basis hereafter…

• Place your hand on his upper thigh regularly when sitting next to him.
• Get a babysitter to take care of the kids, send DH to drop them off, then greet him upon his return naked with a bucket of chicken!
• Give him a back rub after you know he has had a hard day.
• Tell him how sexy he looks often.
• When he calls, and you know it is him, answer the phone in a soft voice and say something like, “Hello, Handsome. I have been looking forward to hearing your sexy voice all day.”
• Go to bed naked.
• Buy a new pair of panties…sexy ones…or some lingerie. Model it for him. And, TRUST me…he does not notice your weight gain! REALLY! LOL!

Enjoy your husband. He is a gift from God…even when he is at his most annoying! LOL

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. The Woopie Factor, Lesson C
2. The Woopie Factor, Lesson A
3. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson A

Yes, I am going to talk about sex. LOL! We will be talking about el woopie for 3 lessons.

Let’s go back to the beginning. Before sin entered the picture. Do you believe it? Sex came before sin. Oh, yes it did!

So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them.

And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth… - Genesis 1:27-28a

There are two words in this Scriptures that I want to talk about. Fruitful and Multiply. I’m sure we all understand their meanings…but let’s look at the original Hebrew words and meanings anyway…

Fruitful – parah ( paw-raw’): bring forth, increase
Multiply – rabah (raw-baw’): continue, enlarge, increase, have more in number.

Obviously, the only way for this to happen is to have sex.

God created sex. He created it to procreate, and for us to enjoy…WITHIN marriage, of course. Do you honestly think that Adam and Eve didn’t enjoy it? I’m sure they did. It was paradise, after all…

Sex became problematic when sin came into the world.

In today’s world, sex is everywhere. People have it with multiple partners, same sex partners, they watch others have it, they look at pornographic pictures to help them enjoy it, the list goes on…It has become perverse.

God never intended it to be what it has become. It’s plastered everywhere. Sex is even used to sell common household items. Have you seen the commercials on television? Sex is used to sell soda, hair products, cars, you name it…sex sells it! It’s unbelievable. Every where you look; TV, magazines, billboards, etc. There are scantily dressed women and bare chested men.

I remember awhile back, I had to take my husband to work because his car was in the shop. Just before you get to the street his job is on, there is a VERY large plasma type television screen/sign set up out side a “men’s club.” Images of scantily clad women in suggestive poses flash across the screen. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that was even legal. I asked him if he looks at it every day, and he said; “it’s hard not to.” Yikes! He’s right. You can’t even walk into a convenience store these days. It’s put right in your face…whether you want it there or not!

For a Christian, sex is meant to be a blessing within marriage. That is how God designed it. It should be a wonderful part of the marriage relationship. Unfortunately, it is very hard to live in such a sensual world and be content sexually within the marriage. It is so “unnatural” to the sinful world we live in. Jokes are even made that sex ends when you get married. In reality marriage is where sex should BEGIN!

Let’s step away from the battle men face and talk about how all these sensual visuals affect us as women. Yes, Christian women lust. Many of them. Women are just as vulnerable to lust as men.

I find it amusing that many Christian women have a double standard. They get bent out of shape when hubby watches something with an under dressed woman. Yet, they have no problem watching some hot guy with his chest bared. Then turn around and chat about the guy with another “Christian” woman.

Yes, you read that right. I am sure several reading this knows exactly what I mean. Including myself. I have been drawn into this in the past…

My wake up call was when a church leader encouraged me to see the movie Troy. She told me how hot Brad Pitt’s bare butt was…I was shocked to say the least…I couldn’t believe that someone in her position…and MARRIED…would talk that way. It made me question everything…my thought life, how I wanted others to see me, and what I allow myself to watch.

I said all of this so that you understand that sex was never to be that way. Lust for another was never part of the plan. It was created to be a beautiful thing….

How do we counteract the culture? Good question. We’ll get into that next time.

By the way, I asked my husband if he could please find a way to not look at that sign. I did not nag. I simply told him how it made me feel and that I hated that he saw those women every day…twice! He listened and recently told me that he no longer takes that way to work.

Hey, it’s a small victory…but it is still a VICTORY! For him and his thought life AND for our marriage.

Let’s pray,

Daddy God, thank You for marriage. Thank You for creating sex and for the pleasure that it is meant to bring. Help me with my own thought life and what I allow myself to see. Help my husband to learn how to guard his eyes as well. Help me to understand Your perfect design for marriage and sex. Show me what You wanted sex to be for my marriage. Help me to open my mind and spirit to Your ways. If I have sin in my heart in regards to sex, I ask You to show me and cleanse me. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Sex is one of the most important parts of a happy and healthy marriage…especially for your husband! Your assignment this week…and over the next few lessons…is to read and study the Song of Solomon. It is a Biblical romance novel. I believe that it shows the beauty of what God designed a marriage to be and all that comes with it sexually.

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. The Woopie Factor, Lesson B
2. The Woopie Factor, Lesson C
3. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson A

Last week, I shared that the Jezebel infection was in woman long before Jezebel the person ever existed. We looked at Eve. This week we will look at the Jezebel infection in Sarah.

Jezebel “Helps” Her Husband

1 Kings 21:5-7

His wife Jezebel came in and asked him, “Why are you so sullen? Why won’t you eat?”

He answered her, “Because I said to Naboth the Jezreelite, ‘Sell me your vineyard; or if you prefer, I will give you another vineyard in its place.’ But he said, ‘I will not give you my vineyard.’ ”

Jezebel his wife said, “Is this how you act as king over Israel? Get up and eat! Cheer up. I’ll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.”

Jezebel was not a child of God, however, she still desired to help her husband…even if it was for selfish reasons. She wanted to be his all in all. She did not want him to serve the Lord.

Sarai (Sarah) “Helps” Her Husband

Genesis 16:1-5

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar;

so she said to Abram, “The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said.

So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife.

He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress.

Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me.”

Sarai encouraged her husband to sleep with Hagar out of a desire to “help” him have what she could not give. It amazes me that Abram forgot all about the promise God just gave him in chapter 15. God already told Abram that he would have children. Unfortunately, we influence our husbands even to the point of forgetting what the Lord has said! The funniest part is that even Sarai knew she did wrong!!

Ladies, we need to demolish this Jezebel infection before it ever takes root!

We do not need to ever take matters into our own hands…even if it is to “help” our husbands. We need to trust God more and ALLOW Him to work in our husband’s lives!

I learned this the hard way in my marriage. I became the junior Holy Spirit for my husband’s walk. What I thought was “encouraging” his spiritual life became a thorn in our marriage, and ultimately drew him AWAY from God.

It wasn’t until I let go of him and COMPLETELY put him in God’s VERY capable hands that things began to change…for the better.

Let me tell you, it was a long journey. All of my “helping” made the process MUCH longer than it needed to be. I had to…and still do medicate my Jezebel infection with the Word.

Now, my husband DESIRES the things of God. He wants ALL that God wants for him. He SEEKS God on his own…with NO help or prodding from me! LOL! Who would have though??
Without my interference, my husband had the room to develop his OWN relationship with the Lord, and the Lord was able to work in Him when I finally allowed Him to take the wheel!

This concept works for ALL matters in our relationship with our husbands. We need to stop interfering and trying to “make” things happen and trust God with the keys! Let God have control. Let God do HIS will. Trust me, He will do a MUCH better job then we ever could!

Remember the symptoms of the Jezebel infection?

• controlling
• uses whatever methods that work to get what she wants
• disobeys God
• manipulative
• selfish and fleshly
• bitter and angry

They are the complete opposite of a life completely consecrated to God and walking in love and obedience to the Word.

When the infection begins to crawl its way into your life, rebuke it and overcome the sickness with the Truth of God’s Word. You may not always get what you want. Your husband may not…no WILL NOT ever be all that you need…that’s what Daddy God is for. To fill in the gaps!

Do not misunderstand. We ARE called to be help meets to our husbands. However, when it is only to serve our own purpose, get what we want, not lined up with the Word, or manipulation, it is NOT helping in the way God has called us. It is an full blown attack of the Jezebel infection!

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, help me to let YOU deal with my husband. Please teach me how to NOT help him, except in ways that please you.I want to be all that You created me to be as a wife. Please help me to overcome this Jezebel infection as soon as it begins to show symptoms. I want to be a light in my husband’s life. I want to only help in ways that bring glory to Your Name. Thank You for Your Love, patience, mercy, and acceptance. I love You, Daddy. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Do a self examination. Are you showing signs of the Jezebel infection? If you are, pull out your antidote, the Word, and speak it out of you!

Also, read and study the following Scriptures:

• Psalm 62:5
• Psalm 141:4
• Proverbs 22:17
• Proverbs 31:26
• John 13:34
• 1 Peter 4:8
• Ephesians 4:2
• James 4:7

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. The Jezebel Infection, part A
2. Helpmeet By Design – Series Devotional
3. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B

During this study it has become clear that our husband’s needs should be our priority. We were created too be their helpers. Our mission is to help our husband live the dream and destiny that God created for them.

Unfortunately, there is a little Jezebel infection in all of us. To understand this, we must first go back to the beginning. Eve was the first to be infected by the spirit of Jezebel.

Genesis 3:16-17

To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your grief and your suffering in pregnancy and the pangs of childbearing; with spasms of distress you will bring forth children. Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

And to Adam He said, Because you have listened and given heed to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, saying, You shall not eat of it, the ground is under a curse because of you; in sorrow and toil shall you eat [of the fruits] of it all the days of your life.

You see, we have a very strong influence over our husbands…even to the point of them disobeying God to make us happy. This is a very serious matter. We must not take this lightly. We must take our role as wife and helper VERY seriously.

There is a line in a recent movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the Mother explains that “the man is the head…BUT…the woman is the neck, and she can move it any way she wants to.” This is VERY true. We really can manipulate our husbands…in good ways and bad. We have the power to lead them towards God’s will and away from it.

Eve was the weak link. Yes, Adam joined her and he had a choice. However, this clearly shows the strong influence a woman has over her husband.

1 Kings 16:30-33

And Ahab son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord above all before him.

As if it had been a light thing for Ahab to walk in the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, he took for a wife Jezebel daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and served Baal and worshiped him.

He erected an altar for Baal in the house of Baal which he built in Samaria.

And Ahab made an Asherah [idolatrous symbol of the goddess Asherah]. Ahab did more to provoke the Lord, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel before him.

Ahab married a women who did not honor God. He allowed her to influence him away from God.

1 Kings 18:4

For when Jezebel cut off the prophets of the Lord, Obadiah took a hundred prophets and hid them by fifties in a cave and fed them with bread and water.

Ahab allowed Jezebel to have power. He allowed her to do things that he knew were evil. Yet, he did nothing to stop her.

1 Kings 21:1-10

NOW NABOTH the Jezreelite had a vineyard in Jezreel, close beside the palace of Ahab king of Samaria; and after these things,

Ahab said to Naboth, Give me your vineyard, that I may have it for a garden of herbs, because it is near my house. I will give you a better vineyard for it or, if you prefer, I will give you its worth in money.

Naboth said to Ahab, The Lord forbid that I should give the inheritance of my fathers to you.

And Ahab [already depressed by the Lord's message to him] came into his house [more] resentful and sullen because of what Naboth the Jezreelite had said to him; for he had said, I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers. And he lay down on his bed, turned away his face, and would eat no food.

But Jezebel his wife came and said to him, Why is your spirit so troubled that you eat no food?

And he said to her, Because I spoke to Naboth the Jezreelite and said to him, Give me your vineyard for money; or if you prefer, I will give you another vineyard for it. And he answered, I will not give you my vineyard.

Jezebel his wife said to him, Do you not govern Israel? Arise, eat food, and let your heart be happy. I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.

So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name and sealed them with his seal and sent them to the elders and nobles who dwelt with Naboth in his city.

And in the letters she said, Proclaim a fast and set Naboth up high among the people.

And set two men, base fellows, before him, and let them bear witness against him, saying, You cursed and renounced God and the king. Then carry him out and stone him to death.

Here we see Jezebel consoling Ahab. He is feeling sorry for himself and she is again using methods of evil to influence her husband. She is giving him what he wants, yes. However, she is doing it in a wicked way.

She had complete control over him and used it for her own selfish desires.

We all have been guilty of this. Do not think you are above a little bit of Jezebel in your flesh. I thought I was. LOL. Then the Lord showed me how I can revert to my flesh and show symptoms of the Jezebel infection.

What are some of the symptoms?

• controlling
• uses whatever methods work to get what she wants
• disobeys God
• manipulative
• selfish and fleshly
• bitter and angry

Have you ever done the pouty face to get what you want? Deep down you knew that you should not try and change your husband’s mind…but…you really wanted something. So, you used your special look or technique to influence him.

This may sound simple. Whether you think it is or not, it is still manipulation!

Have you ever woke up with a dark cloud over your head and then saw how your…yes, YOUR mood changed the whole day? I have. Every now and then, I am just grumpy. Sometimes I let it get the best of me and allow it to take over. When I do this, I watch my husband go from a good mood to a bad mood. The sad part is, once I realize what I have done and try to change the mood back, it is not so simple.

I am going to end this week with that. Next week, we will dig deeper into the Jezebel infection and find the cure.

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, forgive me for the times that I have manipulated, controlled, and steered my husband away from Your path. Help me to be the help meet that you specially created me to be for my husband. Help me to lay down my desires. Help me to lay down my flesh. Help me to help my husband shine. Thank You, Lord. Thank You for Your love, mercy, and guidance. Thank You that You never leave me or forsake me. Thank You for sending Your Word to help me. Show me through Your Word how I can be a better wife and reveal to me the areas that I need to submit to You. I love You, Lord. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

I want you to study the Scriptures about Jezebel and Ahab in 1 Kings 16:30 -21:29. Pray. Ask God to reveal to you where there might be some Jezebel in your thoughts, heart, and life.

Also, look up and study the following Scriptures:

• Proverbs 2:2
• Proverbs 7:4
• Isaiah 55:7-9
• 1 Corinthians 11:8-9
• 2 Corinthians 10:5
• 2 Corinthians 11:3
• James 1:5

We CAN overcome the Jezebel infection. All it requires is a willing heart, a submitted spirit, and prayer! Take the time this week to really look at your action. Pay attention to how you influence your husband. Ask God to show you. Then get the Word in you. Pray some more. Submit your desires to Daddy.

I am looking forward to part B!

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. The Jezebel Infection, part B
2. Helpmeet By Design – Series Devotional
3. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B

This week we will talk more about the ACT of submitting. Let’s begin with two core Scriptures.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. ~ Ephesians 5:22-24 (KJV)

Wives, be subject to your husbands [subordinate and adapt yourselves to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord. ~ Colossians 3:18

Let’s look at the word submit in this passage, in it’s original Greek. It is almost the same as last week’s “submissive,” yet different enough to look at on it’s own.

Submit (hupotasso or hupatatto) – to be under obedience, submit self unto, to place in an orderly fashion.

The opposite of this word in Greek is anti and means; against.

Just what does all this mean? Simply put, we are to obey our husbands! Now for many of you…and me as well on some levels…that makes you mad. LOL!

However, it really is not as bad as it sounds. We learned last week that God designed different roles for the husband and wife. We are learning what OUR role is as a wife. Our GOD GIVEN role.

What does obey really mean?

The dictionary meaning is; to comply with the wishes, instructions, or commands of. To follow. To submit or conform to. Respect. Yield to.

On the flip side; disobey, defy, revolt, rebel, mutiny, resist, refuse, be insubordinate.

WHO are we really rebelling against when we dig our heels into the ground and refuse to submit to our husbands? The answer my dear sisters is GOD. He is the One Who has told us what we should do. So, when we are in rebellion with what He says, we are disobeying Him, and we will be unhappy, and unfulfilled. When we are not lined up properly, we will NEVER have a truly happy and fulfilling marriage. Not on the wondrous level that God created it to be.

How do we obey? How does this play out in my life as a wife?

Before I begin, please understand, I have not “arrived.” God deals with me in this area on a regular basis. I am a VERY strong willed woman. I am extremely opinionated and full of fire! LOL! However, as I have been praying and studying this topic, I realize that GOD designed me to FOLLOW my husband’s lead. Yes, it is painful to let go. Thankfully it is only painful to my flesh.

I encourage you to PRAY about this. Ask God to SHOW you when you are not being a submitted wife. Trust me, He WILL! Boy will He ever! LOL!!!

Let your husband LEAD - Allow the man to make decisions without giving him grief at every turn. Or adding your two cents all the time.

Obviously if the issue is serious and you feel GOD leading you to express your disagreement with your husband’s decision…tell him. HOWEVER, failure or not…let him LEAD. God WILL take care of you. He WILL bless you for falling into YOUR ROLE.

When he expresses his feelings on a subject yield - This can be tough. Maybe your husband has different views financially or how you are raising your children, or whatever. Unless what they want goes against God’s Word, yield. It will save you stress and allow GOD to work in your husband.

Remember, we are their help meets. When we are NOT in our proper role we are not helping them. When we DO get in alignment with what God’s Word says, it softens our husbands to the voice of the Lord. They are able to hear His instructions more easily, because YOU have been helping keep the mental junk out of their minds.

Do not push issues - Whatever the issue; you want something, you want him to be a better spiritual leader, you want him to pray more, you want…you want…YOU want. Hush. Take it to Daddy. Leave it there. Be a help meet to your husband.

Take care of the things that matter to him said and unsaid - Clean the house. Make dinner regularly. Clean the house. Make sure he has time to unwind after work. Clean the House. Get dressed and make yourself look pretty for him daily. Clean the house. Make sure his things are organized and easy for him to find. Clean the house. Adapt yourself to your husband. Oh, and did I mention Clean the House! It DOES matter to them no matter what they say!

In closing I want to encourage you to do this week’s homework. You should do it every week. However, make a point to do it this week. In order to be a submitted wife, we must first be submitted to the Father. Your homework deals with that.

And, remember, forget what your Mom taught you (unless it was Biblically correct). Forget what the culture says. Forget what your SELFish mind says. Forget the movies, magazines, and bologna that the world teaches us about what a wife should be.

Forget all of it and remember this:

Then Peter and the apostles replied, We must obey God rather than men. ~ Acts 5:29

Let’s Pray,

Daddy God, thank You for Your Word. I love You and want to live my life according to what You say and not man. I want to be all that You created me to be. I want to do nothing more than please you in all that I do and say. Please help me to be the wife that You have designed me to be. Please help me to understand my role as a wife and not rebel from it. Please help me learn to be a submitted daughter to You and a submitted wife to the husband that You gave me. I love You and thank You for all the many blessing You have given me. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

I want you to take some serious prayer time this week. Ask Daddy where you need to improve as far as being a submitted wife. Ask Him to show you. Then, be willing to yield to Him and change your path.

Take the time this week to begin turning your will over to your husband’s. Listen closely to the things that deep down you know matter to him and do them. Allow him to lead from this moment on. You WILL be blessed for your obedience to GOD!

Memorize: Then Peter and the apostles replied, We must obey God rather than men. ~ Acts 5:29

Study the following Scriptures:

• Hebrews 12:9
• James 4:7
• Philippians 2:12-16
• Ephesians 5:24

Also, do any homework from Lesson A (last week) that you missed.

Have a blessed and SUBMITTED week!

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson A
2. The Woopie Factor, Lesson C
3. The Woopie Factor, Lesson B

In today’s culture the very idea of this word sends chills up a woman’s spine! LOL! However, it is NOT meant to be a bad thing. God does not look at us as less than our husbands. We have been given a VERY special role. And, if today’s Christian woman will grasp what God’s Word is telling us, we really CAN have a wonderful…happy…AND fulfilling marriage.

1 Peter 3:1-6:

IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word of God, they may be won over not by discussion but by the godly lives of their wives,

Submissive (hupotasso) – obey, submit self unto, to place in order.

We NEED to have roles within the marriage. There are roles in all areas of life. If there were no leaders there would be chaos. We MUST have laws, order, and leaders. God CHOSE for man to be the HEAD of the woman and for woman to SUBMIT her will to her own husband.

When we do this we have the opportunity to WIN our husbands to the Lord if they are unsaved, or we can help them get to where God wants them to be spiritually if they are saved. This is EXTREMELY POWERFUL!

When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband.

Pure and Modest comes from the word chaste in the King James Bible which is (hagnos) or (hagios) in its original Greek. It means; sacred, consecrated, holy, clean, and pure.

At first glance you may think it means how we dress…not so…it is how we we display our WALK with the Lord. Are we living a consecrated life before our husbands? Do we conduct ourselves towards them in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord? Or culture?

Let not yours be the merely external adorning with elaborate interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes;

What we look like will only get us so far. To really help our husbands we must have a beauty that comes from within. A beauty that ONLY a submitted, obedient, and consecrated life can bring.

But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is not anxious or wrought up, but is very precious in the sight of God.

The first part of verse 4 is very interesting and hit home for me. Gentle and peaceful spirit comes from meek (praus) and quiet (hesuchios).

Meek (praus) means; humble, mild, gentle, of a soothing disposition, moderate, forbearing, soft, and tender.

On the flip side; prone to anger, savage, fierce, perilous, and difficult.

Quiet (hesuchios) means; quiet, still, tranquil, peaceful, tolerant.

On the flip side; fierce and violent.

We are to treat our husbands with the up most respect. They should not be yelled at or chastised by us. Our job as mentioned in the first part of this series is to be a balm to them. When we behave in a way that is angry, difficult, or ungodly, we are harming our husbands and marriages!

The last part of verse 4 in the King James is, “which is in the sight of God of great price.” Price comes from (poluteles) and means; extremely expensive, costly, very precious, of great price, excellent.

WOW! Daddy APPROVES big time when we are the wives that HE created us to be! We are of a great price. We are obedient daughters. We are not sad or angry that we are submitted to our husbands. Why? Simple. When your life is the Lord’s, and you study His Word, and you OBEY His commands, your will becomes HIS will!

For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were accustomed to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them.

It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].

These women understood the roles God gave them. They knew that they were important, and that being submitted wives did not mean they were lowly. It meant that God had entrusted them with a GREAT purpose. The purpose to HELP their man be ALL that God created him to be. This is our purpose. To HELP.

In closing, this goes against EVERYTHING this society teaches. Television shows make men out to be stupid and the women are smart. This culture says, “Hit the road, Jack!” It is a HIGH calling and HUGE challenge to go against the current.

However, I strongly URGE you to press through. Press past what society says. Press past the lies of the enemy who is the father of lies and the ruler of this present darkness. I urge you to press IN with the Lord and TRUST Him. His purpose is NOT to harm, hurt, or take away your happiness.

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.~ Jeremiah 29:11

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, thank You for my role as wife. Thank You for creating me to be a Help Meet to my husband. Thank You that I do not have to wonder what I should do. Thank You that Your Word is Truth and holds power. Thank You that You only have my BEST interest in mind…even when I do not see it. Lord, help me to be a wife that pleases You. Help me to be a wife that brings glory to Your Worthy Name! Help me to be the wife that my husband needs. Show me where I need to change MY heart. Show me HOW to do this. Give me strength to overcome my flesh when it creeps up. Help me to SHINE BRIGHTLY for You in my life and marriage. let my husband see YOUR loving eyes shining through mine. Thank YOU. I love You, Daddy! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Read about the way Jesus’ Life and Character taught us how to be what GOD called us to be.

Look up the following Scriptures:

• Psalm 40:6
• John 14:15
• Colossians 3:18
• Titus 2:5
• 1 Peter 1:13-15
• 1 Peter 3:9-17

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B
2. The Woopie Factor, Lesson C
3. The Woopie Factor, Lesson B

We need to use our mouths to BLESS our husbands. The word is VERY clear about the power that our tongues hold.

Now the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet suitable, adapted, complementary for him.~ Genesis 2:18

This week’s lesson is “Honoring Our husbands with Our Mouth.”

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. ~ Proverbs 16:24

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it for death or life. ~ Proverbs 18:21

For by your words you will be justified and acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned and sentenced. ~ Matthew 12:37

We have a very important position in our husbands life. We are their Help Meet. We were created to help them and be a blessing to them. Our mouths play a big role in this job.

We should not say things like:

• You never
• I hate you
• Your a slob
• Why won’t you just…
• I don’t care
• I want a divorce
• You better…or I won’t

We should not treat our husbands like they are our children either.

And, a VERY big NO NO is what we say to others about our husbands…in and out of their presence. We should ALWAYS speak life. We do not need to tell everyone what a rotten husband we have and try to get sympathy for “ALL that we go through.” Boo Hoo.

Let me be frank…shut it! Seriously. Do not even open your mouth to speak negatively about your husband. The ONLY time that this is appropriate is when we are speaking directly to Daddy God or a counselor…and even with the counselor, we should be as respectful as possible. However, let it all hang out with Daddy! That is what He wants. He wants us to give it to Him…and LEAVE it with Him!

We need to take the time to speak LIFE TO them.

Ways to EDIFY our Husbands directly (things to say TO them)

• You are an awesome husband
• Thank you for all that you do
• what can I do for YOU
• You are very handsome
• I appreciate you
• I love you
• I want you
• You are a wonderful Father

I am sure if you take the time you can add a LOT to this list. Some of you may not feel ANY of these things. you will need to SPEAK them by FAITH!

Ways to EDIFY our Husbands Indirectly (things we say to others)

• I have the best husband
• I have no complaints
• He is a great Dad
• He did this the other day (something positive)
• My husband is a good provider
• I am thankful for my husband because

We need to SPEAK life to them and about them. We may need to speak it to ourselves as well. We must stop focusing on what they do not do and focus on the positives. YES, there are positives. You just need to look for them. Especially if you have spent long periods of time dwelling on his negatives. It will require MORE effort!

She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. ~ Proverbs 31:12

Remember last lesson?

Help Meet azar (aw-zar’) and ezer (ay’zer) and means; surround, protect, or aid. Cooperate with, serve, side with, go to bat for, save, snatch from danger, make healthy, balm, aid.

On the flip side, meaning the opposite; hinder, obstruct, hold back, block, frustrate, side against, discourage, harm, hurt, injure, kill, let die, make worse.

Whether we like it or not, we have the power to make or break our husbands.

If you want a husband who is a good spiritual leader, take it to Daddy. Then, begin to SPEAK life over him. Speak it out into the spiritual realm…OUT LOUD. Pray some more. Be willing to wait no matter how long it takes. If it never happens, at least at the end of your life when you give an account as to the words you spoke, you can stand!

This is the same for ANY of the character traits we want from our husbands. Take it to Daddy. SPEAK it our loud. Speak LIFE. Pray some more. Wait.

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, thank You for Your Word. Thank You for the LIFE that it speaks to me. Help me to honor my husband with my mouth. Help my words be a blessing to him. Help me to use my words to glorify You. Teach me what to say and what not to say. Help me to recognize when I am speaking death into my husbands life. Lord, I want to be the wife, the Help Meet that You created me to be for MY husband. I want to be a blessing in his life. I need You to help me. I cannot do it on my own. Show me. Thank You, Daddy. I love You. Praise You. Thank YOU! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

- Look up Scriptures on the tongue and words.

- Find ways to speak life over your husband this week.

- Read and Study the Following Scriptures.

• Proverbs 15:1-4
• James 3:1-10
• James 4:7
• Titus 3:2
• Hebrews 4:12-16
• 2 Peter 3:18

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Helpmeet By Design – Series Devotional
2. The Jezebel Infection, part B
3. Intro

Help Meet by Design Series Devotional at a Glance:

• Intro
• Honoring Our husbands with Our Mouth
• Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson A
• Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B
• The Jezebel Infection, part A
• The Jezebel Infection, part B
• The Woopie Factor, Lesson A
• The Woopie Factor, Lesson B
• The Woopie Factor, Lesson C

PRE-Launch SALE! Sign up Today!

In closing, I would like to encourage you to pray about all that you have learned in this study…or will learn. Ask God to reveal His Truths to you and help you to implement them into your marriage. I would also like to let you know about a NEW e-course here at Moms of Faith. It will begin October 1, 2010. It will cover what you learned in this study in MORE detail, PLUS we will talk IN DEPTH about Proverbs 31, Motherhood in marriage and MUCH more!  Click Here for more info and pricing.

Let’s Pray,

Daddy God, thank You for all that I have learned. I ask that you help me to become the wife that you designed me to be. I pray that You help me to forget the world’s standards for marriage and embrace what Your Word says about marriage and what a God honoring wife should be and do. I pray for strength and clarity. Thank You for always being with me, and never leaving me. I love You, Lord. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B
2. The Woopie Factor, Lesson B
3. The Jezebel Infection, part B

Now the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a help meet suitable, adapted, complementary for him. - Genesis 2:18

Even though help meet is two words, they are both the same and they come from the Hebrew words azar (aw-zar’) and ezer (ay’zer) and means; surround, protect, or aid.

I also looked into some reference materials and found; cooperate with, serve, side with, go to bat for, save, snatch from danger, make healthy, balm, aid.

On the flip side, meaning the opposite; hinder, obstruct, hold back, block, frustrate, side against, discourage, harm, hurt, injure, kill, let die, make worse.

I found this to be pretty powerful. This COMPLETELY goes against our culture. Women want equality. We are woman hear us roar!

We have thoughts like…

“When he does his job, I will do mine.”

“He should love me like Christ loves the Church.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be honored.”

And my absolute favorite…

“These are different times, the Bible was written thousands of years ago to a different culture.”

God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is UNCHANGING. He does not “adapt with the times.” (Hebrews 13:8) He is also not impressed by our complaining and disobedient attitudes.

He made it very clear in His Word the roles of husband and wife. We are called to be help meets, whether or not our husbands deserve it…or if they do their role properly. God looks at EACH of us individually. When you stand before Him at the end of our life, “But, Lord, He did not love me like You commanded HIM to,” will not work, because I am CONFIDENT that the come back will be…“Yes, but what did YOU do with the role I gave YOU?”

See ladies, it does not say if he does everything right…It says I WILL make him a help meet suitable, adapted, complementary for him. And, guess what? YOU are the help meet that God created for YOUR husband!

God gave us His Word to help us live our lives in a way that is not only pleasing to Him, but will help US to have happy well balanced lives. Yes, being your husbands UNSELFISH protector who cooperates with him, serves him, sides with him, goes to bat for him, saves him, snatches him from danger, and makes him healthy WILL make YOU happy.

How? God’s Word says so! He says we will be BLESSED!

So get rid of all uncleanness and the rampant outgrowth of wickedness, and in a humble, gentle, modest spirit receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted in your hearts contains the power to save your souls.

But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth.

For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his face in a mirror;

For he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like.

But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the law of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer who obeys, he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience). - James 1:21-25

Trust me, I am a woman who grew up in the same culture as you, and who has many of the same issues. ” However, like I said before, God does not “go with the culture of the day.” He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Isn’t that comforting? To KNOW that Daddy will not flip flop.

He will stand by His Word. He will honor and bless you for OBEYING His Word.

I want to warn you…it will HURT your flesh when you begin to obey what God’s Word says about your role as a help meet. It will at times feel unbearable…However, press on, sisters. Do not grow weary in well doing. (Galatians 6:9) Daddy loves you and will bless you for your obedience.

EVERY WISE woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. - Proverbs 14:1

Let’s Pray;

Daddy God, Thank You for Your Word. Thank You for creating me to be a woman. Thank You for creating me to be a Help Meet to my husband. Help me to let go of my flesh and worldly ideas. Help me to take You at Your Word and not try to fit Your Word into the culture. Thank You for Your unchanging Hand. Thank You for Your Love. Help me to obey Your Word. Help me to be the Help Meet You created me to be for MY husband. Help me to help Him shine. Help me to die to my self and not be concerned with my needs. Help me to serve my husband by serving You. Thank You. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Your Homework:

Memorize: EVERY WISE woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands. - Proverbs 14:1

Look up the following words in your concordance and study as many Scriptures as you can on them.

• obedience
• obedient
• obey

Also, read and study the following Scriptures:

• 1 Corinthians 11:8-9
• 2 Corinthians 10:5
• 2 Thessalonians 1:3
• 2 Timothy 2:21
• Hebrews 4:7-8

Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved

Related Topics:

1. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson B
2. Being a Submitted Wife, Lesson A
3. Honoring Our Husbands with Our Mouth