<– Back to Help Meet by Design Main
I have really gotten a lot out of this series. This will be our last lesson on this subject…at least for now! ;)
Sex is very important to the health and happiness of your marriage.
God knows this. That is why He put the subject all through the Scriptures. In order to become a wife that pleases the Lord, we must understand His purpose for sex and obey His Word on the subject.
Sex is very important to the bonding in a marriage. It is the deepest kind of intimacy. It is a very special part of marriage. It is God’s gift to marriage. Married couples that are not having it on a regular basis, or using it in ungodly ways are literally killing their marriages.
I Corinthians 7:3-5 says; The husband should give to his wife her conjugal (sex) rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband has his rights; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife has her rights. Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other of your due marital rights, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterward resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you to sin through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.
These Scriptures clearly express the importance of sex within marriage. We are never to refuse to give it to our spouses.
I would like to touch on a subject that I believe is very common in marriages…Christian or not. There are many wives who sex as a tool. They use it to get what they want from their husbands. They will seduce their husbands into giving them their way. This is called manipulation.
Some use it as a weapon. They use it to punish their husbands for something they did or said wrong. If their husbands make them angry they “pay them back” by not giving them their conjugal rights. This is called selfish and VERY WRONG!
These Scriptures plainly tell us that we are never to refuse our partner sex (with the exception of mutual prayer for a season). When we use sex in either of the above examples, we are in disobedience. It’s that simple.
Also, please do not discount the last part of these Scriptures in 1 Corinthians; lest Satan tempt you to sin through your lack of restraint of sexual desire. If you willfully keep sex from your husband on a regular basis, you are opening the door to some major temptation in his life. You can not expect him to not sin when you yourself are sinning by refusing him his rights as your husband.
We need to be very careful what we sow into our marriages.
Do not be deceived and deluded and misled; God will not allow Himself to be mocked by His precepts being set aside. He inevitably deludes himself who attempts to delude God. For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap. ~ Galatians 6:7
Sure, we can say, “He should love me no matter what.” “Sex is not the most important thing.” These are VERY foolish beliefs, dear sisters. He is a human being. He is filled with the same sin and temptations as you. And, if you…we…their HELPMEETS refuse to help them. If we push them towards sin…hmmm…I fear we WILL be held accountable…
Whoever leads the upright astray into an evil way, he will himself fall into his own pit, but the blameless will have a goodly inheritance. ~ Proverbs 28:10
And, read Matthew 18:6-7 for what Jesus had to say about leading others into sin. It is not a pretty picture…
It is also OUR calling to honor and be a helpmeet to our husbands. And, like it or not, sex is a blessing and help to them. It can be the same for wives…IF…we put it into proper perspective.
Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him. ~ Genesis 2:18
We will go further into helpmeet next week. However, I ENCOURAGE you to get prepared, and study this Scripture intently.
Love does no wrong to one’s neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the fulfilling of the Law. ~ Romans 13:10
In closing, if you are one of those wives who uses sex wrongly in your marriage…Please don’t harden your heart to this message. It is not meant to pick on you or hurt you. It is meant to help you see the Truth, and help you to have a better more fulfilling marriage. A marriage that brings glory to your Daddy!
If you have a husband that likes to have sex a lot…and you do not…learn how to enjoy it. You may actually learn to love it if you’d lighten up about it. Don’t make him feel like you don’t want him. That is very damaging to a man. They need to feel like they are wanted by you and satisfying to you. Plus, you will both be happier when sex becomes an expression of your deep love and commitment for each other, and not a tool or weapon.
Trust me, I have my own battles. While I do not use sex as a tool in my marriage…I DO struggle with the “do not refuse.” It is very hard for Moms to get into that mode…especially when the kids are awake! However, our kids are not our first priority…at least they should not be. Our priority is God FIRST, Our husbands right after God, and THEN the kids. If we operate this way we are TRAINING them up to love God and HIS commandments FIRST.
If you are a wife who has a husband who withholds your conjugal rights. You need to pray, tell him how you feel, and leave it with God. In extreme cases you may need pastoral or Christian counseling. However, I do NOT recommend that YOU be the one to correct him. Most men are not usually quick to take instruction from their wives.
Daddy God, thank You for the precious gift of intimacy that You created for marriage. Thank You for my husband. Please help me to use sex to express love towards my husband and not to manipulate or control him. I realize how powerful it is. Forgive me for times I have had wrong motives. Forgive me for the times I have refused him for no good reason….or even too many “good reasons.” Forgive me for not making sex a priority in my marriage. Help me to put my husband first, after my relationship with You. Thank You for Your Word. Thank You for Your help. Thank You for loving me and hearing my heart. Thank You. Praise YOU! In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.
Pray about all we learned in this study. Bring any issues you have to the Lord. He will make things clear to us when we ask Him.
Read and study the following Scriptures
- Psalm 34:8
- Proverbs 8:32
- Romans 13:10
- Galatians 5:14
- Ephesians 4:2
- Ephesians 5:2
- 1 John 4:7-21
- Jude 21
Also, have sex with your husband when HE wants to at LEAST once this week. Aim for 3x a week! Try to get your mind renewed to what sex is and the role it play in your marriage. Study all three of our devotionals on the subject and dig deeper.
Copyright © Lara Velez, Moms of Faith, All Rights Reserved
I love the title! Also, once I read through the articles, I realize even more just how lucky I am.
I really enjoyed this article … and I agree … this something that us wives really have to fight to protect! It is so easy to give into the temptation of letting our sex lives lack and saying “well sex is not the most important thing.”
Why I really wanted to comment is because in your about me you call God your “Daddy God” … I have never heard anyone else use that term but I always pray Daddy-God … it makes me realize two important things about who I am speaking to:
1) that he is my Daddy, he loves me, he always has time for me, and he knows how little I know but still loves me the same … he delights over me
2) but he is also God … holy, entirely set apart, ruler of the universe
I’ve loved this series. Is it going to be continued?
Thank you for the great series! This subject has been a particular struggle for me lately, as I am pregnant with my fourth child and my oldest just turned 5. I am always tired and uncomfortable, but that is a tiny problem compared with getting out of “mommy mode”. I stay at home and teach the kiddos myself, with each one wanting something from me all day. Naturally (and completely selfishly), I don’t want to face my husband also wanting something from me when he comes home, especially if he hasn’t made some sort of acknowledgment of my value as something other than domestic staff or sexual partner. I love the prayers at the end of these articles! So anyway, will you be advising more on the mom/wife switch and how to make it easier?