Faith. A simple word, but it makes such an impact on so many lives. Especially ours. Each day is an act of faith. Each decision I make, is made on the faith that God will keep His promise. The fact that I still have three children is because of faith in a promise made by God Himself.
I have recently been studying faith more intently. Faith is in the Bible a lot. But Hebrews 11:1 is the ONLY scripture in the Bible that defines what faith is. How ironic that this was the one scripture I depended on to get me through those rough days in the hospital! I even put it into words so that others would understand what I was depending on: Faith is believing with the heart what the eyes can’t see. Isn’t that what we are doing when we are depending on our Heavenly Father to heal a loved one? All of the doctor reports say this is it, nothing more can be done, time to call in the family. But with faith, we still are able to hold on to that very small strand of hope…so small like that of a mustard seed.
I lost count of the times I was told by very well meaning professionals that I was in denial. Apparently I just wasn’t ready to face the reality that my child was no longer my child. He was just a body with a heartbeat. I was even told that I should pray that God would go ahead and take him to end his suffering; maybe God was just leaving him here because He knew I couldn’t handle losing him. I knew God had a plan for Caleb. After all, He had my little boy once right there in that hospital, but He sent him back! My Father would never make a mother suffer losing her child not once, but twice! I had this conversation with God on several occasions, asking for the strength to do whatever it was He had planned for me. I believed that He would get me through those dark, dark days.
A couple of weeks later it was time to remove the breathing tube and take Caleb off of life support. The doctor asked me if I knew what was going to happen and I said “Of course. Caleb is going to breathe on his own”. That wasn’t what the doctors thought. But when they removed the machines, although a little hesitant, Caleb began to breathe room air oxygen on his own!
I would not have Caleb’s name embroidered on his wheelchair when it was ordered. “But it’s free,” the salesman told me. I explained that the child we donated Caleb’s wheelchair to might not be named Caleb so I would rather not have it on there! “Oh, but he is not going to outgrow this chair for a long while.” My reply? “Yes, but walking people don’t need wheelchairs, do they?”
Ramps were built for our house so that we can get Caleb in and out of the house. I gave strict instructions that these ramps were to be made so that once removed from our house they can be put end to end to make bicycle ramps. Why? Because once Caleb is up riding his bicycle again he will get so much fun out of having ramps to do tricks on!
Two years have gone by and I still live each day with faith in the unseen. I know people think I am crazy. Didn’t they also think Jesus was crazy? I still believe with all my heart that Caleb is going to be fully healed, just as God promised. I don’t have that in writing, per say. There is not a contract written that says, “I God promise to heal Caleb Pack on December 10, 2012.” But it is written. Several times, in fact. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He does not make promises He doesn’t keep. And if He starts something in you, He will finish it. I believe. I trust.
I have faith.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. – Hebrews 11:1
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