“I’m tired” just doesn’t describe it. A more accurate description might be exhausted, wore out, zombiefied. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I am to the point that my brain just won’t function normally. Did I mention that I am tired??
About three weeks ago we lost our night nurse, so that job fell solely to me. So now I do day shift AND night shift. Caleb isn’t really picky as to which shift he does, so he just catnaps and therefore I am up usually twenty out of the twenty four hours. Finally, I said enough is enough and I put a pillow over my head to shut out his howls! Sounds cruel, I know, but I knew he was just fine, just not happy about being by himself for a few minutes. Anyway, so here I am trying to get just a few minutes of quiet, but I have highly sensitized “mommy ears”. In addition to them, I also have a very vivid imagination. Not a good combination when you are sleep deprived! I suddenly hear him choking and gurgling. I spring up and rush to his bed, only (and thankfully!) to find him happily looking around! Yep, I’m losing my mind! Lol
One good thing, however, is that I am really learning how to be specific in my prayers! I used to pray things like “Lord, please let Caleb have a good night”. Now, it is more like this: “Oh Heavenly Father Who knows my needs, I ask that Caleb sleep from 2am until 7am. And please, let my mind be still so that I can sleep those same hours!” I believe that when we ask God for something, He wants us to be as descriptive as possible! I’m not hard to please…five good hours of sleep would do me wonders!!
Another good thing is that I have found that 3am is the perfect time to talk to my Father. Probably because at this time I am so depleted that I am more susceptible to hear His voice. Whatever the reason, I am often reminded that I just need to TRUST HIM and not try to figure it all out. Things are not going to go the way I think they should. And even if they did, it would most likely end in disaster! So I just need to put it ALL in HIS hands, and most importantly: LEAVE IT THERE!!
Wow! These early morning talks are very enlightening!!
Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. – Proverbs 3:5
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